


tell me we're alright, tell me we're okay

by GerryStAmour



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gentle Kissing, Happy Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MAG170 spoilers, True Love, [fabric rustles] was the clingiest hug ever no i take zero criticism, no betas we die like mne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GerryStAmour/pseuds/GerryStAmour
Summary: There was a beat of silence as Martin considered the words. Jon wasn’t telling him to stay, or even asking him if he wanted to. Part of him knew this was him giving him the choice without forcing him to answer a question. Jon wanted him, needed him even, but after everything they had gone through since leaving the cabin, he didn’t want to force him to continue on with him.In a way, this was the only place it would make sense for Martin to get off the ride if he wanted, and Jon wasn’t going to stop him.-In which I really wanted to write the clingy, sappy hug they definitely had this episode.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 30
Kudos: 216





	tell me we're alright, tell me we're okay

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, I imagined the hug in MAG170, and desperately wanted to write it, so I did. I used the dialogue from the show. Anywho, this is the first new fic I've written in forever! Woo! Also the first Rated T fic I've written in forever lmao. Anyway! I hope you enjoy! I love you all! Thank you!

_“I am Martin Blackwood and I am_ not _lonely anymore,” he said with a firmness that eluded him for most of his life. But he knew who he was, where he was, and where he was supposed to be. Clutching the tape recorder tighter in his hand, Martin forced himself to stand up off that damn chair and repeated, “I am not lonely anymore!”_

_There was a nauseating drop in his stomach as the fog swirled thickly around him for a moment. There was a brief second of that sad, emptiness before the whirring of the tape recorder brought him back and he pushed back against it._

_“I want to have friends,” he said shakily, his stomach dropping when that oppressive force closed in again. “No! I_ have _friends! And I-”_

_There was a second when he thought only of Jon, who was looking for him. Jon, who had come for him once before in the Lonely and loved him so fiercely and earnestly. Jon, who needed him as much as Martin needed him._

_“I am in love!” he admitted out loud as tears sprung to his eyes, a watery smile splitting his face as he refocused his thoughts. “I am in love, and I will not forget that! I_ will not _forget!”_

_Strength surged through Martin as something in the air changed, the fog recoiling from him, the antiseptic smell slipping back. Taking a deep breath and wiping his eyes, Martin began again._

_“I am Martin Black--”_

“Martin!”

“Jon?” Martin gasped, looking around and seeing the sad, drab room he was in. It was so sparse, and the fireplace was damp and empty. Fog swirled around his feet but it was no longer obscuring his vision so much that he couldn’t see the door to leave the room.

“Martin?” Jon called again, this time closer and Martin hurried from the room and into the hall. The relief at hearing Jon again, that he was safe and near and _there_ , brought a new wave of tears to his eyes.

“Jon! I’m over here!” he called, hurrying down the hall and glancing in rooms while he passed. There were other people here, but he knew in his bones they couldn’t be helped right now. He finally understood what Jon had been saying since the world ended.

“Martin! Hold on, I-I’m coming--” Jon was saying as Martin turned the corner and they spotted each other. 

The whole world froze the moment their eyes met, and Martin felt the bottom drop out of his stomach for a whole different reason. Jon was twenty feet away, eyes wide, mouth quivering, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. His hair looked like he had been running his hands through it, even though it was still in the loose braid Martin had helped him with when they last took a break from their endless trudging through barren hellscape.

He was so beautiful, and _there_ , and Martin could hardly breathe through his relief.

Jon’s whole body seemed to relax, his tense shoulders dropping and his tears falling down his cheeks. He almost stumbled as he moved again toward Martin.

“Oh, Martin; thank God, I- I was--” Martin closed the distance in only a few short strides and had one of his arms around Jon’s waist to scoop him up against him, his other hand burying itself in the messy hair at the back of Jon’s head. Martin could feel the other man shiver and wind his arms tightly around Martin’s shoulders and neck, lifting up onto his toes to hold tight and burrow in against him. It was impossible to get any closer to each other physically, but they still tried. 

Pressing his face into the crook of Jon’s neck, he felt _right_ , finally. For the first time, Martin felt like he had truly found where he belonged, and he could have sobbed from the weight being lifted from his shoulders.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Martin finally allowed himself to believe it was real. Of course, that antiseptic smell wasn’t his home. His home had never smelled like that, even if he knew that scent from the flat where he lived for much of his childhood. His home smelled like old books and smoke, like coffee and rum and raisin ice cream. His home smelled like _Jon_.

“I- I thought you were behind me,” Jon said, shaking in their embrace as he turned his head to press his mouth to the hinge of Martin’s jaw. It wasn’t quite a kiss, but it held the same intimacy that made his stomach drop all over again. He let out his breath in a soft _‘oh’_ as the words hit him.

There was a flash of memory with those words, the memory of running through dark tunnels clutching a fire extinguisher to his chest, the absolute horror of slowing to turn and help Tim with Jon and finding himself alone. He remembered listening to the tapes after, while Jon and Tim were still at the hospital, hearing the way Jon had talked about him when he thought Martin abandoned them. He remembered feeling hurt hearing those words, remembered thinking he had ruined any progress he made with reaching at least an understanding with Jon.

Now, he understood, at least a little bit. Rationality was often impossible to achieve when someone was that afraid, even if they _should_ know better.

“I thought you’d left me behind,” Martin confessed gently, his words a bit muffled against the skin of Jon’s throat. “Gone on without me.”

“No, never. N-never, I, I just--” Jon said earnestly, and Martin almost fought it when Jon pulled back from the embrace. The man fell back on his heels and let his hands slide down to rest on Martin’s chest before looking up at him through his tears. 

“I, I didn’t want to _Look_ too hard. I-I, I _promised_ I wouldn’t Know you, and, and with the fog and all the rooms, I, I just- I lost you. I’m--” Jon inhaled sharply, tilting his head and closing his eyes when Martin brought his hand forward to cradle his cheek gently. There was shame in his expression that Martin couldn’t understand, and his brow was still knit so tightly with stress. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Martin said softly, honestly, dropping his forehead to Jon’s and nuzzling their noses together gently.

“No,” Jon said, shaking his head, and Martin could tell he was punishing himself for something specific, but the reason was still escaping him. “I- I tried to use the- to Know where you were, but it was- you, you were faint. It was so strange; it took me so long just to find you.”

So that was it; Jon had used his powers to find him but thought that went against their deal. This was a detail he would have to address fully later.

Martin pulled back to meet Jon’s eyes again properly, smiling gently down at him and rubbing his thumb soothingly along his cheekbone. “Jon, it’s _okay_. I promise it’s okay,” he said firmly, shaking his head when Jon looked like he was about to argue with him. “This place tried, it _really_ did, and honestly I- I wanted to believe it. But I didn’t.”

“This place… ? I, it--” Jon cut off as the air thickened around them. He blinked and when his eyes opened again they were a solid pale green, glowing through the faint fog still around them. Several spectral green eyes opened in the air surrounding Jon, looking in all directions while he Looked. He was now The Archivist, and Martin felt a queasy flip in his gut. He wasn't afraid of Jon, but he normally wasn't so close to him when he was like this lately. 

Martin shivered, remembering early in their journey, the way those eyes would be present all the time until they talked about their feelings and Jon agreed to stop Knowing him. The glow had faded from his eyes and the other eyes disappeared, leaving Jon looking human and very tired. Part of him felt guilty that he had asked Jon to keep a lid on his powers, but he had a right to his boundaries and Jon wanted to make that effort for him. For _them_. The only times he had seen Jon enter his Archivist state since was from a distance while muttering what he's Seeing into his tape recorder, or his more alarming Archivist state while smiting other avatars. 

Jon shuddered back to himself, eyes screwing shut and knees buckling. Martin caught him easily with the arm around still around his waist, setting him properly back on his feet as he met Jon’s human gaze. It looked almost wild with panic for a moment before it switched rapidly to disbelief and then guilt.

It was obvious that Jon finally completely understood where they were now.

“My God,” he finally gasped, his good hand fisting tightly in Martin’s coat while the one ruined by Jude twitched just a bit.

“Yeah,” Martin said a bit lamely, nodding. There wasn’t much more to say about finding his domain like this, entirely by accident somehow. Something about that tickled in the back of his mind, but that could wait until later to be examined completely. Right then, however, he was more concerned with the very still expression that came over Jon’s face.

“M-Martin, if you did. I-if you wanted to forget a-all of it, stay here and just escape,” Jon began haltingly before taking a fortifying breath and working to maintain eye contact. “I would understand.”

There was a beat of silence as Martin considered the words. Jon wasn’t telling him to stay, or even asking him if he wanted to. Part of him knew this was him giving him the choice without forcing him to answer a question. Jon wanted him, _needed_ him even, but after everything they had gone through since leaving the cabin, he didn’t want to force him to continue on with him. They had bickered so much recently, between the argument about his Knowing, and then with him childishly, jealously pushing for Jon to smite Oliver. Then the small spat outside Jude Perry’s domain, and the quiet that sat between them when they were breathing fresher air.

In a way, this was the only place it would make sense for Martin to get off the ride if he wanted, and Jon wasn’t going to stop him.

But the thought of leaving Jon and returning to those moments of painfully lonely quiet, with the fuzzy confusion that made it impossible to concentrate on any thoughts, was nauseating. He remembered the people he had seen in there, wandering and crying and lost, praying that someone would come for them. And if he _chose_ to go back, would he still be one of the lost souls doomed to wander those halls alone until the End claimed him, or would he be the one to feed on their fear until there was nothing and no one left to consume?

Either way, he didn’t want it. He had everything he wanted right there in his arms, looking up at him with a stony expression and tears gathered in the corners of his eyes again.

Martin finally shook his head. “No. It’s comforting, leaving all those painful memories behind but,” Martin began, dropping his forehead back to Jon’s, “it’s not a good comfort, it’s the kind that makes you dim and distant.”

“Okay,” Jon all but whispered, letting his eyes flutter shut as he gave a little nod. There was obvious relief in his tone and Martin couldn’t help the small smile. Usually, Jon’s instinct to throw himself on a blade was annoying, but Martin wouldn’t complain right now because that just meant that Jon was being himself, and confirmed that he was actually right there in his arms.

“Okay, good,” Jon continued a bit louder with a deep breath. His dark eyes opened to meet Martin’s again and he tilted his face up a bit more to bump noses. “I wanted to make sure you knew what this place was.”

Martin slid his hand to cradle the back Jon’s head gently and said seriously, “It’s the Lonely, Jon. It’s me.”

Jon’s hands cupped his face, brow furrowed in that severe way Martin had always loved. “Not anymore,” he said fiercely and tilted his mouth up to catch Martin’s in a chaste kiss. 

With a pleased hum, Martin pulled back to smile at him, his heart swelling when he saw they happy expression mirrored on Jon’s face. “No,” he agreed, leaning in close enough to feel Jon’s even breathing puff across his lips. “Not anymore.”

They met each other in another kiss, this one a bit deeper as they held each other tight. There was something about having a moment so tender and intimate in the middle of Martin’s domain that finally brought warmth to his whole body. He had felt warmer since everything had happened with Peter Lukas, but he always had felt just a razor’s edge away from plunging into the icy waters of the arctic ocean. 

But there he was, in the middle of the Lonely, having escaped for a second time and on his own this time, holding and kissing the one he loved, the one who loved him back.

_‘This isn’t my domain anymore,’_ Martin corrected himself as Jon made that happy little noise in the back of his throat that he loved. _‘Not anymore, and not ever again.’_

* * *

They were walking through a large, empty field holding hands roughly an hour later. Martin had helped Jon fix his hair while he had monologued quietly into a tape recorder before they left the Lonely. It was still deeply uncomfortable, hearing what Jon saw and felt and heard, but the thought of letting Jon out of his sight had been even worse. Jon was terrible at hiding his own relief when Martin insisted on staying, so Martin was more certain of his decision.

The Beholding would just have to accept that Jon’s dreary sermon about the Lonely had happy humming as a soundtrack.

Finally, Jon’s white-knuckled grip relaxed and he let out a soft sigh. At that, Martin smiled and bumped against him lightly, deciding it was time to broach a topic that had bugged him since it came to his attention. “You know, we did agree that the whole Knowing thing was okay in an emergency,” Martin said, keeping his tone light and teasing, and he grinned when it got exactly the reaction he wanted.

Jon stammered, his ears turning red. “Well, I didn’t- how was I supposed to know it was an emergency?” Jon finally said, his voice a bit indignant. “And what if it wasn’t an emergency, and I Looked, then I would have broken my promise.”

“But it _was_ an emergency,” he pressed. “So, you did the right thing. I wouldn’t have been mad at you for Knowing about me there.”

“But you escaped on your own, so it was invasive and--”

“Jon, I’m serious, you did the right thing,” Martin insisted. “And what if you Looking for me is what helped me get out? Seriously, stop beating yourself up, you did the right thing.”

Jon looked at him sceptically before sighing and nodding. “If you say so,” he said, not quite agreeing but at least conceding the point.

“I do!” Martin replied brightly and swung their joined hands dramatically until Jon finally laughed.

They walked in silence a bit longer, and Martin kept an eye on Jon, watching his mood. The man was relaxed, or as relaxed as he could be in their situation and his hand was still holding his firmly. 

“Hey, Jon?” Martin said, smiling when he looked up and met his gaze. “I love you.”

Jon stumbled to a halt, blushing so furiously Martin was sure he could feel the heat of it from where he stood. With the way he reacted, Martin would think Jon hadn’t been telling _him_ that for weeks.

“I-I, I know,” Jon finally stammered out, and Martin made a surprised sound.

“Jonathan Sims, was that a _Star Wars_ reference?” he asked gleefully, pulling the shorter man to a stop.

“What?” Jon asked, completely baffled. “No, it- I’ve never seen- no, just… I know you love me. I knew for a-a while and then I… and then I Knew. Before, in the cabin, when the sky fell, I Knew before I could even think to control it.”

“Well, now I’m saying it, which I haven’t yet, so I love you,” Martin repeated with a big grin.

“I love you, too,” Jon replied instantly, his ears still red as he smiled fondly up at him, and he was too beautiful for Martin to not kiss. Jon accepted a chaste kiss with a low hum of approval, pushing up on his toes a bit before pulling back. “We should keep moving Martin, I think this field might be connected to the Buried.”

“Oh jeez, yeah,” Martin said as he realized their feet were sinking a bit. Not enough to be an immediate concern, especially not for Jon, but it was definitely smarter to keep moving. “Let’s go, save the world and such.”

Jon’s smile at that actually looked genuine, the only sadness being the one that seemed to always haunt him, even before he carried the weight of the world’s fear on his shoulders.

“Yes, let’s go save the world.”

“... You’ve _seriously_ never seen Star Wars? Like, none of them?”

“There were multiple Star Wars?”

“Oh my _God_ , Jon, seriously? Like Kill Bill, I was willing to let slide, but _Star Wars_?”

“How about you tell me about them, then? While we walk?”

“Okay! So the order of them is kind of weird. I can tell you the order they were released in _or_ chronological order according to canon.”

“They weren’t released chronologically?”

“Nope!”

“That’s… terrible. Tell me the story chronologically, then.”

“Alright!”

**FIN**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking about writing Jon's POV for the timeframe when he's looking for Martin, so stay tuned for that? Also, I'll be writing a gift series for my friend hopefully here soon! Please comment if you liked it! Thank you!!


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